Close Please enter your Username and Password
Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
Password reset link sent to
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service

My Blog

Everything is connected with everything, everything is a form of energy

Hate, weapons, under age?
Posted:Mar 17, 2024 1:17 pm
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2024 12:55 pm
615 Views

Alt< alt? alt?
What are you doing?

Now my own comment, in my blog, about my bike workplace, is denied because of the above.
Nowhere in my reaction is anything related to *hate*weapons* or under age*, to be found,
I only tell about how the folks working in this workplace steal about anything if they can get their hands on it.
like my mug and my carpet...

And how they did break open a steel closet, to steal the safe out of it.
There are real big padlocks on those doors.....

How is this comment denied??
I dont know, what they use at the alt office, but it must have had a very bad effect on their .......?!

It would be real funny, if they do deny this comment too!
17 Comments
Emotional garbage?
Posted:Mar 16, 2024 8:29 am
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2024 1:05 pm
962 Views

Talked with a friend, it was her birthday.
We got to talking about the Dutch scene and the amount/quality of men in there...

I told her about my latest experiences....

We agreed, those/most? men, in the Dutch scene are definitely no dominants.
They are bedroom players. parttime dominants, hobbistssss...

They lack any real! interest in you, as a person, they inmediately jump into the kinky porn talk.
They inmediately want to see you or have you send them a picture of how you look like,
Never thinking about YOUR feelings of safety.
AT ALL.

They never work on establishing any safety, dont work on building trust,
never say what they mean, and mean what they say.
(unless it is kinky porn talk)

Never stable in how they react to what ever it is, you tell them.

They are good in small talk, if that does not take too long,...
pretending to be interested in you, but really are not.
They dont remember anything you told them, if it is not kinky sexy talk.
if it does not turn them on.

If you told them, you are sad, because you cat, dearest uncle, niece, what ever, died,
They dont remember that at all.

They dont invest time and energy in YOU.

She made me cry, because she said to me, she wanted me to find my kind of man.
And how she wished she could conjure this person, out of clay if she had too,
to make me feel, the way i am, deep down inside.
Because she knóws, the deep down inside mé, she knows how much i long for such a deep commitment, connection.

F*** king is easy, you can f*** with every t, d, or harry...
BUT, that deep, deep trust needed to give myself to someone
To let that someone see, thát deep inside of mé?

To build that deep trust, BEFORE anything else??
You both need to be special, and especially WANTING that,
knowing you, both have to work for it, every day.
conscious decision, to want to surrender, to want to guide and controle and take on that amount of responsibility.

Those men??
wont be able to carry that amount of responsiblity, not even, when their lifes depended on it.

And, i should be giving myself, to those??
They have nothing to offer me.
But pain and missery, because they dont understand that some women, ARE submissive, as in their nature, in their core.

Sure, such women dont show that in day to day living!
They must be mad, to do so!

When such a woman acts (?) shows her true nature in a vanilla setting....
most men, think she is an easy lay...
Dont understand one thing about, what is shown to them.
Because they are vanilla and not Dominant, by nature.... as in their core

Sure, you can be? dominant in the bedroom during some scene / sex role play and afterwards you both go back to your natural selfs, being vanillas with a sparkling sex life...
That is just something totally different from what i am talking about.
It is not less, or more
It is different.

To mé, it feels less... because, the sex is not what this is all about,
the role play is not what this is all about, the amount of orgasms, is not what this is about, or the denial of orgasms....
Thát, are only - to me- actions, without that deep inner connections,
that does not mean anything to me.

This is about surrender, on a mental level, first ad formost, to his rules, to his guidance.
Knowing, he knows me, in and out, knowing i will always be safe, with him.
NO matter what.
after we both got to know each other, the dark, the shiny and the nasty parts of ourselves...
After we found out, we like each other, like the way the other thinks, her/his sense of humor, his work/ethics, moral code...
Whó he/ she is.

So, she made me cry, because it is hiddin very deep inside of me, that submissive woman...
She touched her....
And, when ever that happens, i feel the pain of not having this in my life....
It makes me feel sick... emotional... it is such a deep feeling...of wanting, of needing....
him.
It is like a void, sure i have a good life, have friends, talk, have fun, eat, go to sleep, shower, cook, do my shopping, the mondain stuff... and enjoying that too.... for sure...
But that is just the surface.....

Underneath thát, is a very big hunger, void.... in my core....

Searching, always searching, even when i am not aware that i am doing it,
always scanning, feeling, searching for this special power.... this special energy...

Play dominants, dont show that special energy, dont have that special energy,
to mé, they are just horny vanilla guys, with a lot of sexual fantasies,
and most of the times, a very nervous kind of energy around them... not stable at all...
Much to much only focussed on their own.

Some could be nice, to talk to, maybe...
Most are just soo occupied with their dicks and where they want to put that in,
you cant talk with them, at all.

There is not enough blood left in their brains, for that.....

So, she touched that mé, deep inside of mé....
10 Comments
Work and such....
Posted:Mar 16, 2024 7:01 am
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2024 1:06 pm
951 Views

So, the work on bikes, is still going on,
They dont help me anymore and when i ask for help, they are reluctant to offer .....

Not nice.
Also, because i was at my sisters place, for 3 weeks, all of the sudden, they (?) removed the carpet i put my bike on, just throw it out!
so not to damage the steering, and gear...
My red mug is gone, too.
It was not anything expensive, it was just MINE.
Gone!
Nowbody knows where it is gone??

One other thing, all of the certain, because, for most folks working there, it is a day time activity, to get them back to some sort of daily routine, because of their multi problems, mental cases, drugs related, medicine related... addiction...
And so on,

i now have to pay, to do the volenteers work..
Huh?
There is a lot of money going on, the that kind of "care" for mental cases, homeless folks.
A LOT of money..

They made some calculation in wich it seems as if i gain from this regulation
But, they count a full weeks work, and i dont work a full week..
So, by doing this votenteers work, i am going to pay them, too?!

How about some real crazy rules....
Because i am an exception to the rule, they cant bend the rule for me,
and i have to pay....., anyway!
although i dont need that extra care.. guidance..
And dont get any guidance, or help, at the workplace....

They try to pressure me in getting along with this rule, That is not a smart thing to do, because i dont like to be pressured into something that just does not feel right.

The more they pressure me, the more they give me a reason to doubt their real, sincere motivations....
They awaked the mule in me, that way!

Hows that? for some real crazy situation going on?
I did not decide yet, what to do...?

Today, i was at the market, there is this woman from Ghana, having a very small markket stand, selling dresses, bags, juwelery...
I always go visit her, talk with her, sometimes i buy some dress, or other items.

People here are very, very racist.

We talked and she said she wanted to use a sewing machine, for making some adjustments to some of her bags for sale.
But she did not have a sewing machine....

So, i told her, i have a sewing machine, we can work something out?
If you want, too?
She was very happy with my offer and next week we are going to make a appointment, so she can come to my house and we will see from there?!
She is a very kind woman.

I am also asking real bike shops if they have a working place for me..
Most are just small bike shops, don t have much place for an apprenticeship..
I will see, i keep asking other bike shops.

Although i do know the main maintanance on bikes, the routine is what makes the difference...
10 Comments
Music and books,
Posted:Mar 8, 2024 5:30 am
Last Updated:Mar 11, 2024 5:03 am
3782 Views

We had this Dutch Band,
The Golden Earring(s),
first they used the plural.. but later on, they called themself;
Golden Earring.

i really do love their music, lyrics, the drummer, especially.
Now, one of their guitar players is sick, with this muscle sickness,
A.L.S

So, since they are together for like 40 years or something...
I dont know for how long, they did not want to find a new guitar man,
because they are like a 50 year old happily married couple...

They had one hit in the US, RADAR LOVE,
But they made soo much more great music...

We had an other great guy, although he did like to put that white power in his nose a bit too much....
Herman Brood, he sang also English songs, i really do like his voice,
must be like that, because of the drugs...

He jumped from a famous Hotel in Amsterdam, some years ago...

Check them out, if you like, maybe you like that music, too?

Books,
While at my sisters place, i found a great book in her bookshell...

Tina Turner,
Happiness becomes you,

I found it a very interesting book, want one, for myself.
But they only sell them as hardcover.
I dont want a hardcover....
I like paperbacks.

She learned about Buddism, and CHANTING.
well, actually, the other way around, first the CHANTING,

while she was in the middlle of that very violant marriage with Ike..

and later her way into buddims..
It is a great way, to become one, in oneselfs....

That is the only way, i can describe it.

An other book, i found at my work place.
They throw a lot of books out, when they dont sell.

This book,
IKIGAI.
by Fransesc Miralles | Héctor García
Is about almost the same item as Tina Turners book.
To me those two books are in each others line of thinking..

It is also about finding, building a long and happy life....
By keeping active, have hobbies, be part of your own little social group, do daily exercise.
expand if you can, never retire, help other people.

Eat moderate, not after 18 hours, eat fish, tofu, and so on and on...

Still reading it, It has many layers, i love that! about books.
All kind of books.
And in people, too
13 Comments
I was right,
Posted:Mar 8, 2024 4:44 am
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2024 6:37 am
3779 Views

And now i feel a bit guilty,

Because there is, indeed, a weather change going on.
It is terrible cold, although the sun is shining, ( does not do one thing, for you) in those freezing cold winds.....

So i put that spider out, in the cold!
Last night, there was a spider, again, such a big one, in my stair case,
she did not introduce herself to me, maybe it is the same spider,
maybe it is her sister, niece, nephew, boyfriend, who knows!!

This morning, she was in the bathroom, at the bottom of a bucket,
thát is not a good place for a spider, running around in circles.
So, i let her out and she run and is hiding somewhere in my bathroom now...

Lesson learned; i will never put a spider out of my house, again, in winter times!
Poor dear!!! LOL
15 Comments
Women!!
Posted:Mar 8, 2024 4:33 am
Last Updated:Mar 8, 2024 11:59 pm
3741 Views

Congratulation on WOMENS DAY!!

Although there is actually not much to celebrate about...

Wemens still dont get the same pay for the same job

A womens job is still seen, mostly as something she does to pass her time....
( waiting for that misserable prince???) amp; to arrive and "rescue" her?

childcare is stilll mostly a item for women to concern about.

Breastfeeding is still something that is frown about,
in public places...

There are still girls who cant go to school, when they have their period.
Here in Europe and in Africa too, among other places.....

The cliterodectomy is still going on, even here in Europe.

More and more girls are getting their clit cut out,
wiith all the nasty health problems, that comes from it...
Like childborn and menstruations, not going to go, as it surpose to go.....
Ending with the death of that woman, as a result of that abuse,
that fear for the female sexuality.

And, NO, it is NOT writtin in the coran, that wemens need to be put into sooo much missery, only for the fear of men, for the female sexuality.

The whole health care system is ONLY build on how a MALE body functions.
There is NO MEDICINE FOR WOMEN, we all get the medicine that is made on how male bodys work, wich are in most cases, much too strong for a womans body.
Also, they dont consider out hormonal system as something to consider, while giving out medicines...

Shall i go on??

CONGRATULATIONS, anyway!!
13 Comments
My room,
Posted:Mar 5, 2024 6:06 am
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2024 1:06 pm
4641 Views

It must be because spring is on her way,
Because i changed my whole living room

and now i cant find anything back again!

To do this , is sooo good for your brains!!
Everyone should do this once, a year or soo..
Because now your brians need to find new ways to find things
so, it keeps your brain healty... flexible

It is still abit of a mess, here and there.. i will take care of the details later....
It looks much more spacious....

And, and, now i can watch the birdies in my bush in the front garden,
without disturbing them!!
I am ever soo happy, with that!!

I changed everything around, the sofa has a totall other place,
my work table too and now i have to rearrange the rest of the room around it.

I have three chairs who are actually a bit too much.....
maybe i throw one out, or put it upstairs..? dunno yet..

For today i am finished.
I will see what will happen, tomorrow.

This month my and partner are coming to visit me,
They are hermits, dont like to go out, at all
Dont like people, in general.....
That is just how they are......

So, it is extra special that they undertake such an adventure to travel to my place!!
And, my sister is planning to come too..

This month, it is my birthday, i dont mind if they come 2 weeks later or 1 week earlier,
it is the act, that counts, to me
Not the exact date, at all!

Although it was a grey, dull, cold day, spring is defenitily in the air!!!
enjoy!
11 Comments
The real serious talk,
Posted:Mar 4, 2024 10:54 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2024 5:45 am
4977 Views

Between my sister and me, about this whole new situation, for her.
was always done in a in between kind of style..

We never sat down and did the real difficult talk about mourning and all the side effects on her...
We did some, hanging the fresh new wash on the wasline, and talked about difficult stuff.

allways very short and very to the point, in short bursts of intimacy...

We laughed a lot, sometimes we even had belly ache from laughing.

We are in sooo many ways, so alike! it scares me, and her too.
We laughed a lot about our similarities....

And 'blamed' each other of this, too, in a kind way...
Her really found this all very funny....

She was glad i was with my sister and helped her, in other ways wich she was not able to do.
Her helped her in other areas.
and that is alright, too.

We were on the bikes, and talked, or we were doing some washing up and talked,
all very casually.
I think, that made it easier for my sister to say certain things.....
9 Comments
after care?
Posted:Mar 4, 2024 6:22 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2024 5:50 am
5070 Views

A while ago, this was really a hot thing, on FET...

Somehow, someone believed that ALL submissives needed a blanket, as a sign of after care
I dont know, from wich porn movie they got this "knowledge"....?!

All of the sudden, all the men, i talked to, about bdsm and the how, what and where,
all always somehow, some time started talking about the blanket as a sigh of good aftercare.

I found that such a strange thing to do.
One size fits all? aftercare??

I dont want a blanket, i want HIS attention, his care... him talking to me,
talking with each other.... gently.... caring, touching me ,softly....

A blanket is not an substitude for being involved with your submissive.

I believe that "aftercare"(negotiation) is also something that is used more in play only contacts.

Because, if you knów your submissive, if you both talked about this all
you knów her/ him.
You ask her/him...
You talk alot with each other, always...

If a scene has been rather rough and deep, the "aftercare" might be different, then when a scene was just a bit average.

When you know, what is going on, in her mind, you also know how she feels that day.
And, you talk, always,

The first law, for a submissiveslave, is not keeping things from her d or Master.
ever!
allways full exposure.
11 Comments
Negotiation?
Posted:Mar 4, 2024 5:59 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2024 12:27 am
5051 Views

Or just talk with each other, find out, what makes this person tick...
What is important in her/his life.
her/his dislikes, childhood events, overall preferences..

And find out, whó this person is, inside, deep down..
To be able to make a whole mental inmage picture of the other person,
whó she/ he really is....

Negotiation is like vetting, something you DO to explore the area where you and that other person have somethings in common, on the BDSM play list...activities.

TO find out, if you and the other, are going to have a great scene, role play, bondage scene or what ever you fancy.
find out what the soft limits, hard limits are, and know the differences between the two.
If you need aftercare, of if you take care of that, yourself.
things like safety, drinks, something to eat, after the scene..
If you want sex, or not.

If it is necessary to keep in contact, days after the scene you both did,
to see if the s type is still doing oke.
Not letting the s type drive after a heavy scene, because when in subspace,
the brains works differently...
You are not in controle.

Some compare subspace with a runners high, or with smoking those green leaves, with that funny smell....?

I dont like the meaning of negotiation, to me, it is not some business deal.

I need that commitment, that involvement with me, and my life,
it is not, at first a sexual act, to me,
although there are some very deep intens feelings 'in play'

First, there must be a mental connection.
I must have to like you, like the way you think, act, be, in day to day living...
be able to talk about anything, with you and most important be able to laugh with and about you, too.

My experience with those bedroom players, is
that their level of being interested in me, is really, really very shallow
It is only used to get to my pussy...
The short track, that is.

They are not really at all interested in who you are.
Only as long as that brings them to the pussy part of me.
My preferences about sexual acts.....

Also, one other thing, about those bedroom players, it seems like they never remember anything you ever told them...
How is that, for being reliable?

How does that effect the safety of a scene?
If he cant remember your favorite food, or pet, or if you are allergic to something or other, how is he going to remember your hard limits, or trigger points....?

With or without negotiation.

If you both, just start an conversation like you would do, with a new colleague,
and find things out, about the other person, you build something up,
like friendship and really getting to like each other.

BUT, those bedroomplayers are not at all interested in that.
They just want to play a scene...
3 Comments

To link to this blog (rosaenaluin) use [blog rosaenaluin] in your messages.